You are not alone if sometimes you think or feel you are not good enough. You may find that you are comparing yourself to others who just seem better at all kinds of stuff than you. We live in a world that is competitive and one that is constantly asking us to look outside ourselves for our self worth. There are constant reminders in magazines, television programmes and films and on social media. However, it is important to realise that we all have our individual strengths and weaknesses. For me, no two days are the same, but I feel that recently I have been helping more people who just feel that they are not good enough. This may be related to a personal situation, their working environment or life in general. If you find yourself feeling like this, my latest article is aimed at why you may feel this way, identifying traits you may be experiencing, common misconceptions and what you can do about it. Irrespective of whether you are an introvert or extrovert, it’s easy to feel that people don’t like you because you don’t live up to their expectations.
Why am I not good enough? Why do I feel this way?
Firstly, before I get to the reasons why you may feel this way, I want to let you know, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. I say it in ‘shouty’ capitals, as I want you to hear it loud and clear. In any given moment on any given day, you are enough. You don’t need to change who you are or be something different to be good enough. It’s a feeling inside you that determines whether you feel good about yourself, not something outside of yourself or someone else’s opinion. This realisation, hopefully, gives you some level of faith as to how good you can feel about you, rather than letting someone or something else decide.
It isn’t usually a conscious choice that you don’t feel good enough
So, back to the why. There are many reasons why the ‘not feeling good enough’ feeling may form. It often comes from low self-worth or self-esteem. It is not usually a conscious choice. Some examples are:
· Childhood and early experiences
· Unhealthy or toxic relationships or friendships
· Limiting core beliefs about who you are and what you are capable of
· Being told that you are not good enough or will never amount to anything
· Negative self-talk – that critical voice in your head
· Unrealistic expectations of yourself or from others
What you believe is what you create
Once the feeling forms, it often becomes a belief that plays out in every area of your life. As what you believe is what you create, you will attract people and situations to prove the belief that you are not good enough to be true – and so it continues. You may not know where or how it started but the longer you have it, the more reinforced it becomes.
Not good enough traits you may be feeling
· You don’t live up to expectations, your own or others
· You feel unworthy
· You are constantly feeling you need to improve
· You let limiting beliefs take over
· You talk to yourself negatively and put yourself down
· You listen to other’s opinions rather than trusting your own
· You compare yourself unfavourably to others
How to overcome these feelings?
The key is knowing you have a choice and finding self-acceptance. We must learn to love ourselves. If we don’t like ourselves, it’s impossible to love and accept ourselves for the way we are. It’s impossible to love others if you don’t love yourself. It can become a vicious circle, but you will have to realise that you don’t have to change.
· Nobody is perfect – is perfection really achievable?
· Focus on your unique strengths – the things you can do and not the things you can’t
· Accept your limitations and weaknesses
· Don’t be over critical and don’t over analyse yourself
· Recognise you can choose the actions you take even though you can’t control what happens to you
· You can’t (and don’t need to) please and impress everyone
External factors are around you everyday to ruin your confidence
OK, so now you do think you are good enough? External factors are all around to shatter that confidence. You may feel you have done an excellent job at work but the feedback is negative. You go for a promotion or another job and don’t get it. You find that somebody isn’t returning your calls and getting in touch with you. These actually are all things that are out of your control and it’s no good putting all your strength or energy into these because you cannot change them. The way forward is to focus on what you can control and what you do want rather than what you can’t and don’t. To know you are always doing your best and your best is good enough.
How can a mental & emotional wellbeing specialist help you?
In order to completely free yourself from this way of being, you will need to face your fears head on and that may require using a therapist to help you. You will need to pinpoint why you are feeling insecure and inadequate in order to make progress.
· Face your fears and anxieties
· Be accountable for your actions
· Focus on your goals
· Create a plan
Contact Becoming Aware if you have feelings of not being good enough
It’s natural to be striving to do things better, that’s just human nature. You will continue to improve yourself throughout your life. Try to remember that you don’t have to change but try to accept yourself for who you are including your flaws and your faults. The reasons you have for thinking you are not good enough are simply excuses created to reinforce your fears and your limiting beliefs, but they are not set in stone. You can take your power back and they can be overcome any time you choose. Call me, Karen on 07766 427966 for a free without obligation chat or email karen@becomingaware.co.uk
But always remember, ‘You are good enough just the way you are’. So just be you and love yourself!
“The most important day is the day you decide you’re good enough for you. It’s the day you set yourself free.”
Brittany Josephina
