Letting go is so easy to say, but not so easy to do. Moving on from past people and/or experiences isn’t always simple. This is particularly the case when it is necessary to avoid danger, and a quick response is required to keep yourself safe. Here, your brain is naturally wired to contemplate the negative experiences more than the positive ones. And it is a protective measure that we can become very stuck in. When you hold onto to something or someone, there is no room for anything or anybody new to come in. All your energy is taken up with what you are festering on. In my latest article, Becoming Aware looks at the negative aspects of holding on, and the benefits of letting go.
Moving forward in the way that is best for you
If it is a past situation, you cannot change it or go back and do it differently. If it is a person, no amount of holding on to them or showing them how you feel is going to change that person’s mind or bring them back. What it does do is stop you from moving on and enjoying your present and future life. Letting someone or something go doesn’t mean you condone their behaviour, that you forgive them or even that you’ll forget about it. It also doesn’t mean you have given up or they have won. You are not doing it for them. It means you are giving yourself the gift of freedom so you can move forward in your life in whatever way is best. In any event, it’s very likely the other person isn’t feeling all the anger or resentment you are feeling so maybe consider it’s a waste of your time and energy. They are certainly getting on with their life. And if this is the situation, try considering that it is in the past and therefore over.
Negative aspects of holding on
· Causes stress, anger and anxiety
· Evokes negative feelings
· Harbours bitterness and resentment
· Can conjure grudges and revenge fantasies
· Can trigger aggressive behaviour
All these negative feelings eat away at you and ultimately ruin days, weeks, months and sometimes years of your life. They can even have a negative impact on your physical health as unexpressed or unresolved emotion can show up in the physical body. It also stops you from feeling peace, balance, calm or happiness.
Benefits of letting go
· Increases ability to feel peace
· Allows you freedom from the past
· Stops you repeating the same pattern
· Leads to healthier relationships
· Improved mental and emotional health
What are the steps to letting go?
1. Be aware of what specifically is keeping you stuck. It may help to sit and write down everything you think and feel about the situation or person. Allow yourself to just get it out without thinking or censoring. All the answers you need are inside you.
2. Acknowledge the pain you feel, accept it’s OK that you feel that way and affirm it’s not where you want to stay.
3. Accept it for what it is. You can’t go back and do it differently. It happened for a reason. Any relationship will only last as long as it’s meant to. Do your best to recognise this. It’s also beneficial to take responsibility for any part you played.
4. Release it by shifting your focus and giving yourself permission to free yourself from a situation or person that has no value or doesn’t serve a purpose for you anymore. See how you can take steps to move you forward. See it from a different perspective. When you start to look at something or someone differently you are already on the move forward.
5. Consider your own value and worth. Instead of focusing on the situation or the other person, focus on you and what you need in order to feel different.
How can this release be achieved?
Sometimes you can do this release by yourself through looking at it from a different perspective. This could be by recognising a lesson or an opportunity for growth in a situation. You might also recognise that a person had negative qualities that weren’t really what you were looking for in a person or they weren’t treating you how you deserved to be treated.
The answer might be seeking professional help
On other occasions, you may need to work with a professional who has the experience, methods and tools to help you truly let go and move on. Having the view of someone completely independent and objective can really help you see things differently and be ready to make peace with a situation or person and let it or them go. Recognise that all the time you feel a certain way about someone or something and it’s having a negative impact, you have given your power away. The only way to truly take your power back is by letting it go and allowing yourself to move on. In this way you are really freeing yourself. It may feel like sometimes you don’t have a choice or any control in how you feel, but the reality is that the opposite is true.
How can Becoming Aware help?
It’s a fact, you can’t change the past, and what has happened will always be the truth. What you can do is change how you feel about it and how it affects you. That’s where your power and your choice lies. Nobody but you gets to decide how you feel or how you respond to a situation. Equally, nobody else can decide when you move on, that’s your choice too! Maybe you are now ready to make that choice - as it’s coming to the end of the year, it’s time for the end of an era and let go of what you’ve been holding onto. If you need professional help, call me on 07766 427966 or email karen@becomingaware.co.uk
