In her famous book, ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’, Susan Jeffers says, “The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.” It is a long list of things that can spark fear into people ranging from starting a new job or a new school, beginning a new relationship, moving house, interviews of any kind, learning to drive, public speaking, being alone or even decision making. When we are faced with any one of these scenarios or other life changes, the ‘fear of the unknown’ kicks in. A feeling of being out of control triggers fear, as we don’t know what this new experience will be like or feel like and what impact or change it will have on our lives. Consequently, this spikes adrenaline and our body goes into ‘fight or flight’. For my latest article, I have taken inspiration from the month of September, which is often a month of new beginnings, so it’s a good time to reflect on the fear of the unknown. Here, I look at the definition of fear, steps you can take to overcome fear, some inspirational quotes and how Becoming Aware can help.
What is fear?
An unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful, or bad that is happening or might happen.
Fear is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
Whether we are in real physical danger or in the emotion of fear, the response is the same
Danger is very real, but fear is an emotion and a choice. Fear alerts us to the presence of danger or the threat of harm. However, the problem is that our brains do not always know the difference between being in real physical danger and being in the emotion of fear, and so the response is the same. Fear will always be a part of our lives as it is a normal human emotion, but fear is not real. It is a product of our imagination, which causes us to endure things that are not present and may not ever exist. Fear doesn’t have to hold us back. It is OK to feel it but it doesn’t have to be used as a measure of what we can and can’t do.
Steps you can take to overcome fear
· Is this new experience going to make your life better? If the answer is ‘yes’, then it’s a no brainer to give yourself a chance to move towards it.
· Ask yourself what are you afraid of and think of the worst-case scenario. How likely is it that this will happen? What would you do if it did? Is it happening right now? Be realistic about what your mind is telling you.
· Focus on what you feel you can do and not on what you cannot! Break it down into steps and do it one piece at a time. For example, if you want to leave your job and move to a new one, start with updating your CV. This will become a step in the right direction and you don’t need to tell anyone about it at that point.
· You can choose your thoughts and you can consciously stop them at any time. Ascertain which thoughts serve you and consciously tell unhelpful thoughts to go away.
· If there is a persistent thought, observe it, and then ask yourself, ‘And then what…?’ You are looking at what your mind considers will happen next. At the end of that thought, ask the question again. Following this trail often leads to the ridiculous, which can help you get perspective on what you can achieve.
· If you feel you cannot do this alone, seek the help of a professional.
Trying to control everything is exhausting
What we know gives us a sense of control, which makes us feel safe and conversely, what we don’t know, makes us feel vulnerable. When something new comes up our body tries to protect us by rejecting the new because it feels we are now at risk. Assure yourself that you are moving forward to give yourself the best life - you are safe and it is OK to do this. Find peace in where you are. Know in this moment it is OK to look towards doing something different. If you decide to move, the whole process will not happen overnight, as there are many steps that take place in between the initial thought and the end result. Doing them one at a time will help you to feel safer as you will be in the present moment which is where you are safe.
Inspirational quotes
‘Your mind is the worst monster you’ll ever have to fight’
Will Smith
‘Fear will steal your ability to be able to enjoy life’
Will Smith
Quotes from Susan Jeffers
‘Could miss out on something better by holding onto where we are now and not allowing ourselves to take a step out of our comfort zone and trying something new.’
‘You can’t change what’s going to happen. Let go of the how and just let it be.’
‘Everything happens for a reason - it might not be what we want to happen but it will be what we need even if it makes no sense at the time.’
‘Let go of expectation - of outcomes or the way something is going to happen trying to control it. Keeps you stuck in fear, when it doesn’t work the way you expect it to.’
How can Becoming Aware help?
By focusing on the positive, the end result that brings the fear won’t have so much power. Whatever or wherever the fear comes from, the longer you avoid it, the worse it will become. And the fears can hold you back professionally and personally. Often it can be hard to face your fears on your own and seeking professional help can be key to unlocking those fears. If you feel I can help you, please call me on 07766 427966 for a free without obligation chat or email karen@becomingaware.co.uk
